For the past couple of months, I’ve fallen in to a weird rut. This happens to me every so often and I can’t say anything is specifically wrong, but I get in a cycle and having issues breaking it. When this happens, I have a routine but it’s a routine where nothing gets done. I get up, work, eat throughout the day, and go to bed. If it weren’t for the fact that I have to drive to work from our central office twice a week, there’d be a pretty good chance I wouldn’t leave the house. I make plans to do things, but then come up with reasons not to do them and instead stay home (It’s too cold. It’s too hot. I’m tired. My knee hurts.) Continue reading
Last week, our offices were closed on Monday and Tuesday in observance of the holiday. #yayfreedom
After a very long end of winter/spring/beginning of summer, I was beyond ready for a couple extra days off. Though I can’t swear that I worked every single day, I spent an obnoxious amount of time fighting off sinus infections and migraines and doing work in my Master’s classes. Due to all this, I needed some down time to do the things that I’ve been putting off.
Like nothing and stuff.
There are times, I know, when we all fall down. It may be due to something drastic happening, or it could just be because it’s a Tuesday and you woke up with a cat butt on your face. Whatever happens, however, it sets the tone for the day and you find yourself fighting to get back to the “good” or maybe just the “okay” for the rest of the day. It’s hard to fight a battle from the moment you wake up and sometimes the urge is to just not fight it at all.
For that one day, you’ll let yourself fall.
On Monday, I was at the gym, in a place I like to call “Susanland.” It’s where I go when I’ve got about 15 minutes left to a workout and I’m in the midst of trying to convince myself not to stop and just lay down. On that particular day, I was on the Crossramp. It is not the machine I refer to as “the devil machine” if you follow me on Snapchat, but it still gets hard to keep going after 45 minutes. Back to the point, I was in my zone, concentrating on willing the seconds to move faster on the countdown clock on the screen.
As anyone who knows me surely knows, I have struggled with living a healthy lifestyle my entire adult life. My weight has ballooned up over and over, and, on the rare occasion, deflated down. This constant struggle makes some days much harder than others. There’s a feeling that I can only mentally equate with what it must feel like to be punched in the gut when you’ve been right on track for three weeks and only see an uptick on the scales.
Now before anyone goes in to “weight isn’t everything! Think of how much better you feel! Your clothes must be fitting better!” pep talk, I know these things. Knowing those things, however, doesn’t stop the fact that I do still have a weight loss goal, though I have that goal set for a full year away. It also doesn’t stop the fact that I don’t always feel great. I’m sorry, but here’s the truth from yours truly… Continue reading
This morning, I woke up with the realization that I am officially closer to 40 than I am to 30. After making this realization, I burst in to tears and ate an entire chocolate cake.
For the record, I’m just joking about the tears and the cake thing. Honestly, getting older has never really bothered me other than the general acknowledgement that everything is harder than it used to be from getting out of bed to getting over drinking a bottle of wine–the things that used to be nothing more than a second thought have become a reminder that the ol’ body isn’t as wirey as it used to be.
Back to the point, as I was laying there thinking about getting older, I started thinking about planning. With things getting harder to do, what can I do to make them easier and to live a happier, healthier, saner lifestyle. If you read this blog, or know me in person, you know I’m notorious for making plans to do something within the next year. This time, however, I’m thinking bigger. I’m thinking longer. I’m thinking of a 5 year plan.
Kidding! We all know I’m too pretty for jail. And by pretty I mean “Soft, lazy, and scared of the dark” for jail. Here’s some things I’d like to accomplish in the next five years:
- Finish my Master’s. This is the big one and actually isn’t going to be the easiest to do in just five years. I start back to school in January and I’ll be taking one Master’s class per semester. If I take summer classes, it’s going to take me approximately 100 years to complete the degree. Or 5. Math’s never been my strong suit. When I’m 40, I want to be able to say “Whew, that’s done” and be able to reflect back on how it’s improved my career.
- Find a healthy lifestyle that I can stick with forever. Okay, maybe this is the big one. I’ve said this a million times, but I really do want to get and stay healthy. I am tired of the yo-yoing back and forth but I’m not getting better at dropping that game. I’ve started really thinking about what I want to do, the kind of life I want to live, and how I can handle situations that lead to negative choices without making the negative choices. Good news: I’ve come up with a plan. Bad news: I’m going to have to live in a cave and stop all communication with the outside world. This may impact #1.
Honestly, it’s a lot of thinking without a lot of action. I feel like I’m on to something, though, because I normally dive in to things without a plan, especially when it comes to a healthy lifestyle. That works well for maybe two weeks, but it isn’t a sustainable plan. With taking the time to plan and really think about things, I’m hoping that when I’m 40 I’ll be a little less achy and a little more likely to fit in to my skinny jeans without throwing out a hip.
- Get my finances straight. I take it all back. This is definitely the big one. Finances cause me more stress and sleepless nights than either of the other two before. Really, #1 and #2 could probably be listed as “wants” whereas this one is a “need.” Nothing would make me happier then if I could be out of debt by the time I’m 40. This isn’t a realistic goal, though, and I know it. For one, I own a house. Yes, I have renters but that debt isn’t going away until I’m almost 60 and this isn’t a 21 year life plan. However, I can get my rotating debt under control. Knock a chunk out of the student loans, especially since I don’t qualify for any more to cover my Master’s degree.Pay off my car and credit cards. Buy a second home somewhere that it isn’t cold and be a lady of luxury. The last part might not be a smart part of the plan, but you’ve got to have a little bit of a dream, right?
- Keep on being happy. For the past two years, I’ve been living a happy life. I’d like to keep doing that for the rest of my life. Yes, there are ups and downs, but the average of times swing towards happiness. I want to keep that trend going. Life is too short to be unhappy and miserable.
Believe it or not, that’s it. This plan obviously needs fleshed out more but it’s where I’m starting. Welcome, everyone, to my 35th year of life (plus one day). It’s time to slay.
In September of this past fall, I made a change of employment putting me back in the recruitment field. It is completely different than the recruiting I was doing ten years ago, but still recruiting. In this new position, I spend quite a bit of time in my car. This would normally mean I’m calling and just randomly chittering at my mother about whatever pops in my head. Unfortunately (for me, not her. I’m pretty sure she thanks the stars every day for this), I am frequently in areas that I have no cell phone service. This means that I’ve got a lot of time on my hands to just be inside my head. This normally ends up with me talking to Olga like she’s not a stuffed otter because I can’t possibly stay silent four hours on end.
Due to this, I bring to you “in my head:recruiter edition”…aka the stuff I think when I’m driving around and doing recruitment. I feel like this may be a continuing feature but we’ll see. Also, I should mention there are words I use that aren’t appropriate for all audiences but I’ve tried to limit those down. Tried.
Before leaving the house…
Do I have everything I need? Did I think of everything I normally wouldn’t think of to include in everything I would need? Okay, I have everything. I have to go or I’m going to be late.
After heading to the car, pulling out, driving to the end of the road.
GAH. I forgot (insert “crayons”, “forms”, “books”, “Olga”, “Barbie”, and so on)
After turning around and going back to the house..
WHERE ARE MY CRAYONS??! Would the boys have them? WHY would teenage boys need crayons?!? (Finds said crayons in bag already in car)
Once back in the car
Okay, what’s the address of this place? I’m going to put it in my GPS so I don’t get lost for the 18481518798789897 time.
5 minutes later…
WHY does this place only have a PO BOX? WHY doesn’t my GPS know where this road is?! It’s the main road in this county?! GAH I’m going to be late. Let’s just try to wing it on getting there.
Once I finally get on the road…
Okay. Bad idea. Use phone for GPS since I can only find it through Google. Must pull over.
Another 5 minutes later…
I’m going to have to teleport or I’ll never make it there in time. I hate that I’m always late. WHY do I have such a bad sense of direction? (Burst in to hysterical tears — This is the point I call my mother if I have cell phone service or that I sit for a minute hugging Olga and crying if I don’t)
Once I’m finally back on the road and on my way…
It sure is pretty through here. Is that a curve coming up?
After almost dying in an unmarked curve…
Thank you lord for not letting me fly off the cliff and die in this county. Wait. What county am I in? Am I still in West Virginia? Where am I? Did that sign just say Kentucky?!?
Once I’ve confirmed that I’m not lost…
Is it possible to get to (50% of the places I go) without getting behind a truck going 5 mph? I’m going to be late.
Once I finally get to where I’m going…
How do I get in here? There are 24 doors. This door? Nope. This door? Nope. This door? (continues on until I’ve tried all but one door) OH! There’s the magical “let me in” silver box. Thank goodness.
After I’m done…
(Sits in the parking lot hugging Olga for a few minutes.)
I can totally make it home without directions. I got this.
30 minutes later…
What state am I in?!?