Being human

Wooza, guys, has it been a week. For once, I’m not talking on a personal basis. I mean “a week” in the grander sense of “for humanity.” People are angry. People are hurt. People are fighting their fight while others have given up on their own. People are being outright nasty to each other. To be honest, though, the outright nasty has been going on for awhile. Continue reading

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Holding me down

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Over the past two months, I’ve done a lot of soul searching. It all started after going to Las Vegas with Joe. While we were traveling there, actually there, and traveling back, I was completely miserable. I allowed the weight to dictate exactly what I was going to do there, including not going to the pool because there was no way my lardish self was getting in a bathing suit in public, to meeting my cousin’s wife because I didn’t want her first impression of me to be a bad one, (By the way, I know it wouldn’t have been because she’s incredibly sweet and supportive. My inner dialogue is a bitch, y’all.), and so much more. I got back home and tore myself down even further, trying to drown the fury in me with Little Debbie oatmeal cream cakes and Walmart glazed donut holes. Instead of addressing the issue, I made the decision to just make it worse. Continue reading

A letter to me

Recently, I was going through an old blog of mine that I no longer utilize. In doing so, I found a letter I had wrote to myself in the year 2004 as it was 2014 at the time I published the blog. To give some perspective to the blog, I wasn’t talking about it publicly, but I was going through my divorce. Honestly, it was relatively painless in the grander scheme of things, minus the blinding fury that would overtake me on basically a daily basis. Thus, I’m going to share the letter I wrote to me in 2004 from 2014 with a couple updates showing in bold. As a note, for the faint of heart, there’s a slew of profanity in this letter because 2014 Susan was way better about not editing her thoughts than 2018 Susan is so maybe 2014 Susan is writing a letter to me too? (Ah, so many timelines. It’s like Westworld, Susan’s life style.) Continue reading

Goodbye to my best friend

Today, we had to make the awful decision to say a final goodbye to my sweet Daisy dog. I know I don’t have to explain to anyone who Daisy was because she was basically internet famous due to her fearless fashion sense.

And love of America, obviously.

While it’s obvious that Daisy was my best friend, it isn’t as obvious that she was my hero. When I first got Daisy, I actually didn’t plan to get her at all. I drug my mom in a pet store so I could hold a puppy and get a fix. This little white fur ball attempted to bite me through the glass case but once I got her in my arms, she snuggled in and that was it. She had my heart.

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Expert snuggler

Over the past 11 years, Daisy got me through some incredibly dark times. From when I was struggling to pull myself out of a liquor bottle, to when I went through a divorce, to helping me find the courage to give my whole heart to someone even if I was afraid it would be broken again. She exemplified a loving creature and put up with what I am 99% sure is the world’s most annoying kitten.

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It’s hard to lose someone you love who saved you so many times you lose count. I know, however, that she’s in a far better place and at her final peace. So, I say goodbye to you, my best friend, and wish you a comfortable bed and all the bacon you can eat on the other side of the rainbow bridge. Our hearts will be emptier without you but our cups ran over during your time with the love you provided.

I will miss you with all my heart.

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Rest in Peace, my sweet darling Daisy.

Defining happiness

This morning, I woke up and had the weirdest feeling. At first, I thought it was because it was 4:50 am and that’s even early for me. After reviewing the headlines (aka Instagram and Facebook), I realized I was still feeling pretty solid so I may as well get up and get on the Peloton. I did a relatively challenging (for me) class but even after that, I felt pretty good. It was a Forrest Gump type of morning because I decided since I was going, I may as well keep on going. After packing my lunch and puttering around the house, I was ready to leave for work about 30 minutes early. Again, I couldn’t shake this weird feeling that was seeping down inside me. It wasn’t until I was driving to work and singing along to Don’t Bring Me Down that I suddenly could define the feeling.

I just felt good. Happy and rested and good.  Continue reading

100 rides in 100 days

It’s taken me almost 3 weeks to write this post. To be honest, it’s still kind of hard to write now. I’m sure there were people following along and wondering if I didn’t make it, which might explain why I hadn’t wrote about it yet. The truth, however, is that I did indeed ride 100 days in a row. I made it. My goal was met. Woohoo?

Why the issues with writing about it, then?  Continue reading

When your body hates you

This morning, I woke up and honestly feel like what I imagine it feels like to be hit by a truck. Okay, let’s take that back and use something I’ve actually been through — I feel like I flew over the handlebars of my bike and full-body slid across the asphalt without wearing a helmet. I hurt everywhere. My head aches. My joints ache. Every ounce of muscle and fat in my body are on revolt and working towards making me give up and just go somewhere and lay down. I mean, it is taking all I’ve got to be able to type at this moment. I’m not really sure how I’m going to make it through the day. I’m very not sure how I’m going to make it through a workout, even if it’s only a 10 minute one. Do I have the flu? What’s causing me to have this horrible reaction?

Getting back to eating healthy for exactly three days. 

That’s right. My body hates me for not eating all the cookies and delicious chips and salsa that my soul desires. What’s weird about it is that I haven’t been craving these items either, which is a miracle in and of itself. However, today I am feeling the reaction ones body can have when you take away some of what it’s used to having. I mean, it’s not like I’ve given up sweets or savory food. Last night, I had a party cup (ice cream) and homemade bruschetta. I’m not going without is my point. However, when you go from eating an entire box of cookies to not eating any cookies, that’s a pretty significant cut to your sugar content. I should also mention that MyFitnessPal helped me decide on a daily goal of 1690 calories. This was actually a big relief to me. The thought of just 1200 calories a day after having been eating so many was overwhelming and almost got me off track before I even started back on the right track. Why am I bringing this up? I’m bringing it up because anytime I post something like this someone inevitably reaches out, concerned I’m not eating enough. I promise I am eating plenty. I mean, look at this plate full of plenty from Saturday night:

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I know from experience that this feeling should cut out in 2-3 more days. Knowing that, however, doesn’t make the next few days any easier. I’m going to keep trucking along but if someone could have a little talk with my body and tell it to chill it’s roll, I’d greatly appreciate it.

What’s your go to when your body hates you for doing what’s good for it? Rest? Toughness? Tequila? 

~Sorely, Susan